Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
