a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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