my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
