she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize