My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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