The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
