Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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