he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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