After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
