Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
