It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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