11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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