And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
