escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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