I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize