Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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