Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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