hell yes lets make some ravioli
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
