Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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