this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
