Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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