well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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