Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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