of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
