i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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