my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
