the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
