I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
