I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How's work?
Spinning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
