problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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