I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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