after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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