i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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