You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Two words: blizzard sex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
