Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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