I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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