Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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