Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
