be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
