Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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