If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
