When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have aggressive nipples.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
