I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
