Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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