I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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