My room smells like vodka and shame
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
