hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
