Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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