please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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