I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
