please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize