i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
