Your face is a jimmy john
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Randomize
