the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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