I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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