The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
