When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
