I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
