I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
