Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize