He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
