i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize