Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
