And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
