I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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