I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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