I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
